@senderblock23: I wish Fox News was just news about foxes.
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@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@funnybeachgirl: If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life. "What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?"
@junejuly12: If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not.
@TheBoydP: Did you know a tornado with no debris is called a naked twister? Related: This evening is not going how I imagined.