@just1fool: I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
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@TheCatWhisprer: The best thing about the first day at a new job is nobody knows I only have one outfit.
@dubiousgenius: WIFE: Having your phone in your jeans pocket will make you infertile & stop us having more kids ME: *shoves 10 phones & microwave in pocket*
@Tmoney68: [Hunting Robots] Me: You a robot? Robot: Would a robot read this? *shows me copy of Totally Not A Robot magazine* M: Hm. That checks out.