@TheGladStork: I wish horses knew that every person who drives by them says, "Oh look. Horses."
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@PaperWash: mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother
@notfaizzy: There's been lots of "OH MY GOD!" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying.
@VerifiedDrunk: Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby Case of beer: I have a boyfriend