@noog: I wish I had a little robot companion that put his arm out and shook his head at people who tried to talk to me before lunch.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
@claudiaa_haleyy: I hate that "You know what to do" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
@EpicurusRising: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!! *holds up severed head The crowd stared in horror as the National Spelling Bee contest took a morbid twist.
@MountainDouche: My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one.