@Milla_Jacobs: I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open
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@whatmaddness: Confetti is shot outta cannons at my funeral. Everyone picks through it wondering why it doesn't look right. "Oh god. Are these her bones?!"
@shamans_heal: Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!