@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.
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@QuietPsycho: HR: know why you're here? Me: I put my tongue in the candy cutter Union: well..unsafe..but fired? HR: the candy cutter's name is Trish
@sucittaM: If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.
@PaulFrei: I imagine when you get to heaven they give you a box with all the sodas and snacks that vending machines cheated you out of your whole life.