@Schmoodles: I wish I was an American so that I had the right to bear arms. I'd probably go for panda bear arms because awwwww, so cute.
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@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
@heyjaywolff: "Alexa, lock the door" - me to my friend alexa because computers locking doors is LITERALLY HOW TERMINATOR STARTED
@Storminika: Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?