@RayInCincinnati: I wish I was as good at anything as Pitbull is at rhyming a word with itself.
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@SteveKoehler22: One time, when the kids were teenagers, we tried to ditch them on a family holiday. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us.
@GrantTanaka: this idiot cop is still behind me w/ his siren on, I keep moving out of the way & waving & yelling "GO AROUND," man is he stupid
@Jake_Vig: *opens present HER: What is this? ME: It's The One Ring. I fought orcs for it. HER: They didn't have that Michael Kors bag I showed you?
@darkpassenger74: I just went to church and had communion. Ok it was a gas station and I had 2 donuts but I did say a prayer before scratching my lotto ticket