@markydoodoo: I wish I was born in a year ending in zero so it'd be easier to remember how old I am. Thanks for following.
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@ThisHotGarbage: If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
@shadygeekdad: DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!
@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@sploosk: my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying "this one's on the house" every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid