@TEXASVETERAN: I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.
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@thegayfarmerguy: Doc: You have gallstones Me: Ugh. Doc: You can control it with diet. Me: Great! Doc: No chocolate, cheese, fried foods... Me: Take it out.
@SooInnocentDad: My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home
@aligarchy: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here
@LeviathanPride: Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry.