@thesulk: I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
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@mikejanson2: Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints! I'll show myself out y'all
@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
@krisv_723: The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison.