@Adar79Angie: I wish my car ran on shattered dreams instead of gas. I'd be able to make it to Canada on my failed ninja goals alone.
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@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider
@TheThomason: Fun way to make someone question everything: comment "you are so brave" on all their selfies.
@TheTweetOfGod: Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
@AlyssaDiSalle: Co-worker: "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours to k.." Me - "THOSE ARE BOOMERANGS, MICHELLE."