@Classy_Cassy89: I wish my cat would squirt me with the water bottle when I go to eat junk food.
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@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: The average 3-year-old boy can stick 11 kernels of corn up his nose before he needs a trip to the ER.
@RdrJay47: [Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving.
@LaceyNycole: Him: How much do you love me? Me: A bit more than pizza. Him: Me: But not as much as coffee.
@Crunk_Jews: So apparently when a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.