@Classy_Cassy89: I wish my cat would squirt me with the water bottle when I go to eat junk food.
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@sixfootcandy: Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Do you want a burger or a hot dog? Her: Neither. I'm vegan. Me: Feel free to eat as much grass as you want.
@ericonederful: I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.