@Nickadoo: I wish my job was more like a video game. In order to be promoted to the next level, all I'd need to do is kill the boss.
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@truegritrumble: FIRST PERSON TO USE AN IRON: This battle hammer does wonders for my enemies' shirts!
@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.