@Nickadoo: I wish my job was more like a video game. In order to be promoted to the next level, all I'd need to do is kill the boss.
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@dumbbeezie: Sure I'll come to your costume party. I'll be a ninja. If you don't see me then you know I took the challenge seriously
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Her: "Well, the horoscopes pretty much govern my life, I'm a sagittarius, what are you?" Me: *halfway out the door* "Educated."
@Cali_Kid_Mike: "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit."
@PJTLynch: Gang tip: If a rival gang tags their symbol on your turf, don't cover it. Add a drawing of Calvin peeing on it. Now who's stupid? They are!