@Nickadoo: I wish my job was more like a video game. In order to be promoted to the next level, all I'd need to do is kill the boss.
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@DanielRCarrillo: "I'm a green onion and I'm here to say, I can be enjoyed most every day." -A rapscallion
@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.
@bornmiserable: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and suddenly you're accused of being a kleptomaniac
@LeahBonnema: I can't take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It's still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag.