@shariv67: I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away.
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@Rollmaninoz: *ship enters earth atmosphere* Alien 1: Finally a signal *turns radio on* *Ed Sheeran 'Shape Of You' plays* Alien 2: SO sick of this guy OMG
@bobvulfov: dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests date 5: i don't think the moon is real
@TheNardvark: When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
@KarenKilgariff: My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed "I hate you!" and she gently replied "I know. It doesn't matter."