@nachosarah: I wish parents would watch their kids better because my basement is filling up
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@ericsshadow: [my son threatens to run away after I take away his iPad] "Here $60. It's all I have. Call if you need more."
@JerseyRambo: My psychiatrist is mad at me, told him I could hear people but couldn't see them...he said when does this happen...I said over the phone
@AimeeHelene1: *seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*