@juliussharpe: I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they're going to be talking.
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@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@ALF_from_TV: Me: My flight was canceled so I won't be home until tomorrow. Her: but you said you were just going out for milk.