@juliussharpe: I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they're going to be talking.
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@GoldenSpirals: Coworker sneezed, and said "Oh my. I don't know where that came from." I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose.
@dumbbeezie: Please pray for girls everywhere who are getting a "What's up" text right now Be strong. Don't answer. Eat ice cream.
@foodfacenow: 1st Date Me: Just warning you. I get freaky. Her: Oh yeah? How freaky.? Me:*thinking of using pizza rolls as a pizza topping* So freaky.
@KalvinMacleod: DETECTIVE: what do you think killed these two birds? ME: [picking up the only stone near their bodies] idk maybe the bird flu.