@sumpeoplelikeit: I wish people were more like dogs and you could just give them those three little pats and they'd know our interaction was over.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
@david8hughes: [steps off treadmill] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.