@Jake_Vig: I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We're redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin.
@Tmoney68: Ratatouille (2007) - A terrible chef knowingly allows a rat infestation in his employer's kitchen to distract from his gross incompetence.
@thepunningman: Airport Security: Please remove your shoes Man: Don't be ridiculous, I'm no terrorist AS: Sir, do you want to use the bouncy castle or not?