@gingerfaced: I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
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@TheBoydP: Protip: If you’re bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say “isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?”
@T_Longstreth: [Girl over my house] "My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not.
@Beatonm5: perfume should come with instructions like on medicine: Dab LIGHTLY on pulse points Do NOT marinade in event of overdose take shower
@Wussawilla: Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?