@gingerfaced: I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
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@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together
@Alex_LaVallee: My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven. I laughed. ... She stared at me until I paid her.
@stephenjmolloy: "Genetically modified food is very much safe for human consumption" the tomato on my plate reassuringly explained to me.