@timdonakowski: I wish someone would challenge me so I could help raise awareness for ice buckets.
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@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
@mrtimlong: Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed.
@lovemyboots111: Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life.... Avoiding them