@noog: I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego.
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@crunchenhancer: Never go to a combination dentist / proctologist..... but if you do, get the dental work first.
@wickedimproper: St. Peter: "Spock?" Leonard Nimoy: "I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV." St. Peter: "HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"
@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it
@Vodkantots: Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that's been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11.