@Im_Tricia: I wish there was a way to tell if this guy is being nice to me because he likes me or if it's just because he's Canadian.
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@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.
@iwearaonesie: wife: What happened to your face!? Did you get in a fight? [flashback to me trying to buckle my toddler in his car seat] me: Yes
@ktmcburr: Great shoulder tattoo. I bet butterflies are really significant to you and have shaped you into the person you are today, right?
@ComedicBust: Fellas, don't waste your time. Memorizing the lyrics to Gangnam Style hasn't gotten me laid once.