@TuffyNyC: I wish they had an app that allows you to delete your number from other ppl's phones.
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@david8hughes: Her: I like smart guys Me [eats soup with a fork & pretends I understood Interstellar]: thats what happens if u get stuck behind a bookcase
@dave_cactus: [sign outside butcher shop: POLISH SAUSAGES - ASK US] ME: Yes, I'm here about the sausage polishing job?
@Breadery: When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram.
@ilovepie84: "Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable" -Optimistic Prime.