@TuffyNyC: I wish they had an app that allows you to delete your number from other ppl's phones.
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@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in..
@MichaelTrying: "I maintain an elaborate system of thousands of solar panels, but once a year I throw them away because screw it I'll make more." -Trees
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure