@Monicann86: I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it
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@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the night of the 3rd?" Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape?" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.
@pplwtching: Ever notice you can hardly touch something that just came off a grill, but yet a fly can land on that MFer like its room temperature?
@jctwritesstuff: [Zombie Apocalypse] Him: Pack your go-bag. No nonessentials. Me: K Mascara Record player Albums Like 4 of his hoodies Vodka Charger Katana 800 thread count sheets Books Cheese *dies*