@Monicann86: I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it
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@RxitWounds: Objection your honor! He's badgering the witness lmao *Courtroom erupts in laughter* Badger: Ok seriously I'm a lawyer and deserve respect
@3sunzzz: H: I'm going to fix our washer myself. M: Okay, I'm going to Lowe's to pick out our new washer.
@PaulyPeligroso: Me: *slides note to bank teller* Bank Teller: So....you're not robbing us, you just want to take a selfie with "mad cash" on your face?
@veryann0yed: Reasons to hit the gym that aren’t patriarchal beauty standards: - outrun the cops - outlive ur enemies - more stamina for sex - actually sleep at night - get strong to fight racists - listen to music without ppl interrupting