@TVatterott: I wish 'You idiot.' was an appropriate way to end a work email.
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@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.
@TheTweetOfGod: If you asked Jesus on the cross what he wanted the holiday marking his death to be called, "Good Friday" would not have leaped to his mind.
@NurseSeymour: Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
@SirEviscerate: "Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half." OK. Sounds reasonable. "Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."