@SocialExtortion: I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I'm taking a selfie and you're in the background
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MmeSurly: My favorite thing about famous people is that they can be "brave" and "daring" by just leaving the house in stupid looking clothes.
@Book_Krazy: *Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED
@novicefather: Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.
@causticbob: Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?