@bdbdleeroybrown: I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.
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@Mikecanrant: Think about a nice pair of slacks. Now think about a panda. Now about radishes. Now about salt. I think you see where Im going with this.
@Mikecanrant: In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say "you throw like a girl".
@jonnysun: "911 whats ur emergency" omg im DYING "we'll send someone right awa–" i met THE funiest guy "ok wait so ur not actualy–" AND HE STABBED ME