@bdbdleeroybrown: I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.
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@withanewname: *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"
@ibid78: Eight glasses of water a day? Nope. I do a minimum of sixteen. Keeps you looking young. Take me for example. I was born in 1926.
@ComedySpeech: Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
@JoeMande: "Make it look like I live in a Cheesecake Factory." - NBA players to their interior designers