@TheBoydP: I wished I loved anything as much as my wife loves inspecting the pots and pans I wash by hand.
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@MaraWritesStuff: BROTHER: The Godfather is on? That's not very Thanksgiving-y. ME: Well, it's about family...
@papasuncle: If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
@theshamingofjay: Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.