@BarebakAssassin: In my 32 years this is what I've learned about women: 1.) "No" means no 2.) "Maybe" means no 3.) "Yes" means maybe

@954LeenO: if it smells like bullshit & looks like bullshit, it probably is bullshit. Putting sugar on it doesn't make it a brownie.

@BreadFoster: I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.

@shutupmikeginn: Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, "Now thats-a spicy meatball!" people will learn not to ask you things.

@trentistweeting: [feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk