@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea
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@XLToast: No son, you can't go out with your friends. Tonight we're installing Windows Updates, as a family.
@TheEighthKnight: Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
@TheMainlandBlog: Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table.
@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question "you don't remember me do you?"