@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Does that dog actually play chess? Me: He's not so smart. I beat him 2 games out of 3. *Dog Barks Me: Alright, 1 game out of 3.
@ch000ch: i tried to ask a girl out today but i messed up my words and accidentally summoned a demon. anyway, whats a good first date for a demon
@hellohappy_time: "Hope you don't mind, I just like to smoke a little after sex" I say tossing the entire body of a salmon over a charcoal pit