@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea
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@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"
@SaraMansford: Maybe artists wouldn't be so starving all the time if they'd just eat all that fruit they're always painting.
@markedly: PERSON: I'm exhausted! ME: Me too! What'd you do? PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You? ME: I talked to like 4 people.