@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea
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@TheCatWhisprer: Starting a diet is a lot like starting a lawn mower, you struggle and sweat and end up on the couch eating ice cream with your shirt off.
@fuzzlime: A pinata at my funeral so people will be happy.. but filled with bees so they're not too happy.
@briancthayer: *gazing at the ocean* God: I told you NOT to leave the water on while we were on vacation. Angel: I'm sorr- God: SORRY DOESN'T FIX THIS MESS