@YimsterFife: I woke up with a horse's head in my bed. And straw. And the rest of the horse's body. And cows. And a tractor. And this is a barn, I guess.
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@garrettbarry70: A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.
@NASHterpiece: I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
@jakob_huber: Lost in a corn maze? Light it on fire. Turn it into a popcorn maze. Eat your way out.
@bourgeoisalien: I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.