@Hobo_Splendido: I won the local hot dog eating contest and didn't even know I was competing.
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@bransonbranson: *puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'
@seamussaid: I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write
@krustythe_klown: A bum gets on a bus and walks past a nun. The nun says "youre going to hell". The bum yells "Damn, Im on the wrong bus" ! :D
@thecrabbyhook: My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.