@Hobo_Splendido: I won the local hot dog eating contest and didn't even know I was competing.
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@jakob_huber: Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
@SethMacFarlane: Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield.
@minealone6: Saw a deer standing beside the highway this morning watching the traffic go by.Guess he was trying to figure out who's day he wanted to ruin
@jonnysun: INVENTOR OF SOUP: [holding water in one hand and sandwich in the other] wat if… wat if water was mor like sandwich