@WilliamAder: I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?
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@sofarrsogud: OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY BOSS: I don't know you. Do you work here? ME: *sips wine* No. HIM: So your wife does? ME: *sips his wine* Again no.
@SaraMansford: Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving
@Ristolable: I named my son Kidding Me so whenever people say "Are you kidding me" he has to say yes. This is a bad joke thanks for your time