@WilliamAder: I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?
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@Sorrowscopes: Libra: You wake up fastened to a wooden stake. People in goat masks are dancing around a bonfire. We'll be honest. Things don’t look good.
@panmidwest: I respect the guy who drives his Blue BMW through the White Castle drive thru. It's like he's saying: "I'm better than you—but not by much."
@Deirdreocx: [Cops have a warrant for my arrest] Cops: you're coming with us! *Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away* Foot chase ensues.
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."