@RodneyH42: I wonder how long it takes a giraffe to throw up?
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@BromanConsul: "You knew what you were getting into, Charlene" "Jim your addiction to long walks on the beach is destroying our marriage" "YOU READ MY BIO"
@AmishPornStar1: Starting to think that having kids just to get some help around the house was a bad idea.
@BoozeWallet: [at gym] me: [wiping down equipment after finishing with it] cute girl: you don't have to do that with the vending machine. are you crying