@Prof_Hinkley: I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one
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@Xoolun: When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
@Home_Halfway: BOSS: Okay, let's do this. What names are you pitching? COWORKER: Hannah Montana ME: Assapoopshits Massachusetts BOSS: Michael you're fired
@DumbConfessions: *sees couple holding hands* *violently breaks them apart* "Go. You're free now."
@Scdavis24: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She's been talking nonstop for the last two days now.