@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
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@Papa_Mex: Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen
@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is antonym ME: synonym JUDGE: no you have to spell it, not give an example ME: *lips on mic* i-t
@pleatedjeans: Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home