@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
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@joshandbeyond: Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son. Me: But dad it was tequila! Dad: What!? *cries immensely*
@mattsurely: "Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!" - people with stupid names
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Did you work late? [flashback to me missing my exit because the car in front of me had Shrek on and I wanted to see the ending] me:Yep