@TheWeirdWorld: I wonder how many medieval chefs were executed because the king’s food taster had food allergies
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@cloudybones: Being asked if you've read 50 Shades of Grey is like being asked if you've had steak at Applebees. You do know there's actual steakhouses?
@mishakey: Him: Get on my level. Me: You're a gamer? Him: .... Me: .... Him: You need to get out more. Me: *mumbles* Your face needs to get out more.
@carlyken: Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat.