@SteveSuckington: I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SadPeruna: If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
@dafloydsta: ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR
@Perfect_Beanis: in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played "in the end" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off
@murrman5: [at funeral] "my phone is vibrating" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? "no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED