@SteveSuckington: I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
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@Majorboobage: 9: Dad, did you know that in some cultures the groom doesn't even know the bride until after they're married. Me: That's every culture son.
@BlackCheesePie: this is your brain *points to egg* but this is your brain ON DRUGS *puts egg on pile of drugs*
@goodballs: [sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] "Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."
@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing