@chris_isloi: I wonder if anyone ever told Hitler "just be yourself".
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@patrickmarkryan: You're not impressing anyone, people who put a comma before the person's name when wishing them a happy birthday on Facebook
@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
@SortaBad: Why I don't get dates: Her: It's been light-years since I've had this much fun Me: Actually, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time