@ReeseButCallMeV: I wonder if black ants and red ants have beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.
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@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"
@AcceptableLoses: Met the daughter's new boy friend. Grabbed his crotch and whispered 'looking forward to tonight's three way'... And that is that.
@RobElliottComic: Say "Literally" and "Legit" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit
@AlexReekie: There’s plenty more fish in the sea “Actually we’ve 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod” I’m bad at consoling dumped friends