@IAmKatieOrr: I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling "Wilbur, you include your brother!"
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@lilgapeach32: Dear little baby Jesus, If I got what I deserved, it'd be bad. But my daddy deserves the best. Please send him a handsome son-in-law. Amen
@jazmasta: Everyone said it was a bad idea to store glue in the same cabinet as my rifles but I'm sticking to my guns.
@sofarrsogud: SON: *in James Bond costume* Look Daddy, I'm a spy! ME: Well if that's how you introduce yourself, you're a really shit one.
@thatUPSdude: [1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna