@weismanjake: I wonder if celebrity couples have a list of 5 average citizens each of them are allowed to sleep with if they ever get the chance
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@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
@MartaEffing: A bead of sweat forms on my brow. And another. Intensity builds as I decide my future and embrace it. "I'll take the maple bar, please."
@shutupmikeginn: Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, "Now thats-a spicy meatball!" people will learn not to ask you things.
@mejustbeth: Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I'll put some clothes on too.