@WheelTod: I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party
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@iamburtjarvis: me [sneezes]: excuse me. guy at the bus stop: [starts crying] my ex used me too, man.
@CherBear162: Where's my cell? "Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white?
@vanderwangwe: Her: Are you even listening to me or are you just tweeting? Me: Yes sweetie, I hate her too.
@SteveSuckington: "What should we put in the middle of this mall?" How bout some chairs? "That idea sucks" A little pond to throw money in? "Oh hell yeah"