@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.
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@ericsshadow: Broke my ankle at 19 years old and didn't miss a single day waiting tables. Last week I took 3 days off work because my cat had diarrhea.
@MdUNH: Expendables 4 (Rated R): Tom, Sylvester & Wiley Coyote coldly hunt down & eat Jerry, Tweety & Roadrunner. Directed by Quentin Tarantino.
@iwearaonesie: [last night] *gets drunk* *can't remember if I fed the dog* *ends up feeding her 5 times* [tonight] *comes home* dog *hands me a beer*