@jamisondg1: I wonder if in 100 years, ghosts of today will spell out "swag" or "bae" on the Ouija boards
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@TheQuietPsycho: I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore
@slimmy_shady: Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying "What the f are you looking at?!"
@Manda_like_wine: In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread.
@OzCricketFan81: Special shout out to the CIA, who were pouring cold water on people BEFORE the "ice bucket challenge" made it cool