@_Tempo11: I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
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@HeyZeus666: With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity.
@wittwitbarista: See that sad girl up on the hill with tears ? That's not me..I'm the one over there running away from a goose with a corn dog in my hand.
@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.