@Parker_Simpson: I wonder if ppl who design new kinds of toilet paper ever think,"Why do we ever try? ppl are gonna shit all over this new design"
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@theevilwriter: HR says that we are no longer able to say to anyone "if ignorance is bliss you must be such a happy person" even if we smile as we say it.
@ClaytonSykes: Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?
@wolfpupy: i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels
@iwearaonesie: toddler [getting ready to jump off the bed] wife: Do something me *takes phone out to record it* wife: Do something else