@Parker_Simpson: I wonder if ppl who design new kinds of toilet paper ever think,"Why do we ever try? ppl are gonna shit all over this new design"
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@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.
@goodhairperson: I've decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat "celebration of life" shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides
@EndhooS: [1st date, don't let her know you're a panda] "Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes* These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting
@man_spach: It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry.