@Parker_Simpson: I wonder if ppl who design new kinds of toilet paper ever think,"Why do we ever try? ppl are gonna shit all over this new design"
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@LetMeStart: Parenthood is mostly reminding the kids "no eating on the couch" while you're eating on the couch & agreeing with them that life isn't fair.
@Leemanish: There's this guy at work who's always putting on a sweatshirt. No one's ever seen his face.
@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
@sammyrhodes: Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, "Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.