@robfee: I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
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@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
@joshandbeyond: Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son. Me: But dad it was tequila! Dad: What!? *cries immensely*
@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
@dinokitten: *at adoption center* "Okay yeah they're all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that"