@MableGertrude: I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.
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@seamussaid: FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I'd read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that's a bad idea guys
@jokesuk: Woman: Does Viagra work? Pharmacist: Yes Woman: Can you get it over the counter? Pharmacist: Yes if I take two!
@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster* *takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*