@MableGertrude: I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to stay in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
@SirEviscerate: OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail
@Briidashian: Being a diabetic has proved to be difficult. For example, I can't have a sugar daddy.
@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.