@MableGertrude: I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.
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@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
@BarebakAssassin: Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public.
@CMFC99: Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities